Togusa does not do much in half-measures, and he's a little sorry for being so blunt, but he also doesn't know how else to get this information. But when Yin answers, Togusa's eyebrows raise slightly, and there's a very self-aware look on his face. Oh. This was something he really needed to hear, because he can see himself doing precisely what Yin is describing. He manages to avoid looking away, even though he very much wants to, but he nods slowly. "Okay."
"Well. Then. Flip side of the question. What are the things that do help? Because," a sudden tension in his shoulders. "With James, just trying to carry on as normal is also going to drive him insane. Not acknowledging that something has changed is also diminishing what he's going through. But trying to compensate too much will frustrate him." Feeding into what Yin just said.
Smart man. If he'd flinched away then Yin would be convinced that he wasn't half as self-aware as people ought to be. Especially when they're discussing something like this.
Though that, too, brings a question to her mind. Just what exactly are they talking about?
Yin brought her hand back out and made a time-out gesture. "Whoa. Hang on a sec. Two things, buddy, before I say anything else."
One finger up. "What does James even have that you think is gonna bring him down?
"And two," one more finger and a shrug for good measure. "Who is James?"
Oh. Togusa blinks in surprise, "I thought everybody'd seen it."
A heavy sigh, and now he looks away, because he is trying to keep the cold anger about this entire mess from rising again. "James Barnes, 16. He posted on the network when it happened: woke up missing his left arm." A pause as he lets that hang in the air.
"No accident, no pain, no reason. Just Retrospec's garbage." Togusa's back teeth clench for a second. But then he relaxes, and he looks back at Yin. "He's got no memory of it, either. So this is all extra-senseless."
The words didn't just hang in the air, they engulfed it. The only thing that made sense was why Togusa would come to her of all people about this, especially on behalf of someone else.
Sadly, in the moment, Yin was lost deep in her own thoughts and memories without having any control over it. The shock was frozen on her face for several moments that, to her, stretched on for minutes. All she did was stare with unblinking eyes and her mouth slightly agape, until something bumped against the fingers of her left hand and the cool dampness pierced her senses to bring her back to reality.
She shook her head strongly and looked own at the very concerned corgi that put aside playing with a new friend to help his owner snap out of her daze.
"Zwei...?"
Woof.
"I — I'm good. Thanks, boy."
Woof!
As Zwei stayed close, she pushed past Togusa to get to the bench like he wasn't even there. "I need a minute."
Good dog. Best dog. Togusa feels very sorry for saying it so bluntly, but part of James' entire point has been that there is no softening this. Trying to pretend like nothing has changed is doing James a disservice. But maybe he should have been more considerate of Yin. He watches her sit, keeping a cautious eye on her.
Togusa will pointedly give her the time that she needs. He is the one asking her for help, it's enough of an imposition that he doesn't want to make it worse by pressing her for answers, even though they are the ones he needs.
It's only when she gives any sort of sign of returning to the present that Togusa apologizes. "I shouldn't have been that blunt about it, I'm sorry. He's open about it, but it's his way of taking some control over it."
As Togusa finds his words again, and his apologies, Yin searches her pockets for her vaporizer.
"Nah, it's ... fine." It wasn't fine. Yin takes a deep inhale from the device, blowing out a cloud of sickly sweet vapor — pumpkin spice scent? — before slouching in the seat. "I just didn't expect it."
Zwei sits against one of her legs, his presence a comfort to her even if the sudden withdrawal from playtime may have perplexed his new canine friend. Priorities and all.
"Fuck. You want to know what I think? I have no idea how he'll deal with it. I'm not in Amputees Anonymous or anything." The bitter tone was unnecessary but unavoidable. She put the palm of her hand to her forehead and just stared at the blue light coming from the end of her device, muttering. "There's always pain..."
It's not fine. That's been half of what Togusa has been trying to make evident to James, that it doesn't have to be fine. So, seeing another person and their own methods of minimizing and coping is- an experience.
And yet there are some similarities between her and James. The slight protective confrontational attitude, mellower in Yin than it is in James. Keep that extra step of emotional distance between you and the people around you. Togusa can understand it.
"Everybody's experience is different," Togusa admits. He shifts forwards, leans an elbow on his knee to get a better look over Yin. "Do people act like it's all over, for you, now? Just because," he nods at her arm, "you have a replacement?" Another mistake he'd like to avoid. Her life is still different. It doesn't take away the pain she's experiencing.
"My boss at the movie place thought so," she begins with a sneer before taking on a tone that was obviously meant to mimic an older, gruff sort of person. "'Does that mean you'll be wanting to take on more hours, more responsibility around here? Pull some more of your own weight?'"
She takes another puff. "I almost told him where he can put his extra weight, but as it turns out? He was joking. It was a joke that I could be put to work like anyone else. A joke that I was any less broken than I was months ago when I started wearing this every day.
"Not that I'm bitter about it." Yin says bitterly, with a bitter expression.
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"Well. Then. Flip side of the question. What are the things that do help? Because," a sudden tension in his shoulders. "With James, just trying to carry on as normal is also going to drive him insane. Not acknowledging that something has changed is also diminishing what he's going through. But trying to compensate too much will frustrate him." Feeding into what Yin just said.
"who the hell is Bucky?"
Though that, too, brings a question to her mind. Just what exactly are they talking about?
Yin brought her hand back out and made a time-out gesture. "Whoa. Hang on a sec. Two things, buddy, before I say anything else."
One finger up. "What does James even have that you think is gonna bring him down?
"And two," one more finger and a shrug for good measure. "Who is James?"
AHAHAHAHA
A heavy sigh, and now he looks away, because he is trying to keep the cold anger about this entire mess from rising again. "James Barnes, 16. He posted on the network when it happened: woke up missing his left arm." A pause as he lets that hang in the air.
"No accident, no pain, no reason. Just Retrospec's garbage." Togusa's back teeth clench for a second. But then he relaxes, and he looks back at Yin. "He's got no memory of it, either. So this is all extra-senseless."
I just had to >.>
Sadly, in the moment, Yin was lost deep in her own thoughts and memories without having any control over it. The shock was frozen on her face for several moments that, to her, stretched on for minutes. All she did was stare with unblinking eyes and her mouth slightly agape, until something bumped against the fingers of her left hand and the cool dampness pierced her senses to bring her back to reality.
She shook her head strongly and looked own at the very concerned corgi that put aside playing with a new friend to help his owner snap out of her daze.
"Zwei...?"
Woof.
"I — I'm good. Thanks, boy."
Woof!
As Zwei stayed close, she pushed past Togusa to get to the bench like he wasn't even there. "I need a minute."
Re: I just had to >.>
Togusa will pointedly give her the time that she needs. He is the one asking her for help, it's enough of an imposition that he doesn't want to make it worse by pressing her for answers, even though they are the ones he needs.
It's only when she gives any sort of sign of returning to the present that Togusa apologizes. "I shouldn't have been that blunt about it, I'm sorry. He's open about it, but it's his way of taking some control over it."
no subject
"Nah, it's ... fine." It wasn't fine. Yin takes a deep inhale from the device, blowing out a cloud of sickly sweet vapor — pumpkin spice scent? — before slouching in the seat. "I just didn't expect it."
Zwei sits against one of her legs, his presence a comfort to her even if the sudden withdrawal from playtime may have perplexed his new canine friend. Priorities and all.
"Fuck. You want to know what I think? I have no idea how he'll deal with it. I'm not in Amputees Anonymous or anything." The bitter tone was unnecessary but unavoidable. She put the palm of her hand to her forehead and just stared at the blue light coming from the end of her device, muttering. "There's always pain..."
no subject
And yet there are some similarities between her and James. The slight protective confrontational attitude, mellower in Yin than it is in James. Keep that extra step of emotional distance between you and the people around you. Togusa can understand it.
"Everybody's experience is different," Togusa admits. He shifts forwards, leans an elbow on his knee to get a better look over Yin. "Do people act like it's all over, for you, now? Just because," he nods at her arm, "you have a replacement?" Another mistake he'd like to avoid. Her life is still different. It doesn't take away the pain she's experiencing.
no subject
"My boss at the movie place thought so," she begins with a sneer before taking on a tone that was obviously meant to mimic an older, gruff sort of person. "'Does that mean you'll be wanting to take on more hours, more responsibility around here? Pull some more of your own weight?'"
She takes another puff. "I almost told him where he can put his extra weight, but as it turns out? He was joking. It was a joke that I could be put to work like anyone else. A joke that I was any less broken than I was months ago when I started wearing this every day.
"Not that I'm bitter about it." Yin says bitterly, with a bitter expression.